Dancing for Personal Development
During my high school years most of the guys around me thought that dancing was for girls. The only time any of them would go out dancing was to pick up those girls. And the only dancing they ever did was the alternating foot stepping that everyone does if they don’t know anything more complex, or don’t care to learn.
And me? I was too scared to approach girls, so it really was “all about the music” (apart from when it was also about the alcohol 
). Unfortunately while I did enjoy dancing, I was also self-conscious about it and therefore never really expressed my enjoyment of the music in a way which would have impressed the girls a lot more than my friend’s inexperienced attempts.
In more recent years I’ve started taking dancing lessons, first Swing dancing, and then Tango. As soon as I was invited to take lessons with a couple of friends, I knew it would be heaps of fun. What I didn’t expect was the development of some non-physical traits. Of course it all makes sense in hindsight.
Partner dancing, like in Swing and Tango, requires that either partner fulfill a specific role, otherwise it just doesn’t work (perhaps that’s not the case with experienced dancers, but at the start it definitely applies). The role the guy typically fills is the Lead. This is a role I’m not accustomed to, all my life I’ve coasted along, happy to go wherever circumstance takes me. While that’s resulted in a relatively stress-free life, it has also meant I haven’t developed much of an ability to direct my life, and certainly not the involvement of others in it.
All that changed when I started to realise that ‘coasting’ often meant not making my own decisions; letting other people push or pull me where they wanted to go, and running into trouble when I realised that I didn’t want to be there… Too late.
There have been a few changes that I’ve made in order to get my own hands back on the steering wheel; organising outings for me and my friends, taking on a small leadership role at work, making decisions for myself and others when it’s obvious they’re hesitant to do so. But as I said, one aid in this change that I didn’t expect was dancing.
A Lead has to know what he’s going to do next, and has to make that clear to the Follow so that she can, well, follow. He has to be firm so that the Follow isn’t confused about what he wants her to do. He has to be able to deal with any mistakes, either his or hers, and work them into their dance without getting flustered.
The Lead also has to make sure he’s not too rough, otherwise she’s not going to enjoy it; the idea is to lead her, not push her around. And if she wants to try something out, do it, it’s a partnership after all!
You can see how this all applies to leadership in general. Firm, clear, assertive, confident guidance. Taking responsibility. Being willing and able to adjust to changes.
So, if anyone else feels they’re not the Lead in this dance of life, try partner dancing! (Yes, girls can be Leads too)
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April 19th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
in my undergrad anthropology class i did an ethnography on an egyptian style bellydance school. i found some fascinating data on how taking on a new body language can indeed lead to some profound personal changes.
(i can’t spell at the best of times but i’m even worse tonight because i’ve become intimate with over half a bottle of red. forgive the mistakes and listen to the ideas behind them).
body language is something one learns before one learns to speak. body language is a huge part of communication. not only does it communicate emotion and attitude but it also communicates unconscious desires, social rank and contradictions between word and thought. a hell of a lot of unconsious self identity comes through unthinkingly in the way people use their bodies. you could say that people’s belief about themselves are in their muscle memory. hell even different cultures have different signature body languages. social meaning is imprinted in our bodies.
one thing that comes up again and again is that the more power an individual believes themselves to have, the more space they feel comfortable occupying. sprawl comfortably on the couch or sit wtih knees together, straight back and hands on lap? throw the ball using the full forse of muslces or be afraid to let libs stray far from the body and throw “like a girl”?
to change that muscle memory and train our bodies to perform new tasks that do not (at first) come naturally. can change unconsious ways we related to ourselves and others.
i ended up teaching at that bellydance school for a short period and i have to say there was pattern of people changing significantly around the point when the mew moves they had been practicing “clicked” and became somethign they could do without straining or thinking about it anymore. i witnessed several cases where students (who were mostly women) would break down and cry or storm out of the class right before those moves “clicked”. they often didn’t know why.
afterwards everything changed in subtle way. the head was raised and more eye contact was made in conversations. the chest area was open and the shoulders back. there was more of a relaxed swaying in the walk… and a confidence that comes with using your body to communicate worth and a right to be. more space was taken up in general. mroe body confidence…
apparently the same thing happens when folk learn martial arts etc.
bellydance is of course a solo dance with no one to lead the dancer. in the style i learned the interaction between dancer and drummer was a feedback loop, a conversation and a flirtatious one at that. drumbeat made love to dancer and dancer made love to drumbeat. both carried power and lead the other.
these dancers took on a mucles memory and unconcious beleif in their sexual power and worth. worth that bubles up from the inside and spills out rather than needs to be gleaned from outside approval.
anyway, i could go on but i shall refrain.
enjoy your discovery through the body wisdom of dance. your body has much to teach you.
April 20th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Indeed, I’ve noticed that when I make mistakes, and focus too much on those mistakes, my chest collapses and I hunch forward. Not at all a confident stance. Of course for me this is an unconscious action which I am very conscious of, after the fact. Thankfully, being aware of it I can adjust, relaxing my shoulders, lifting my chest and leading with my sternum. However focusing on doing that makes me lose track of what my legs are doing.
And sometimes, self-doubt will be expressed through my moves becoming gradually more sloppy, turning unwarranted self-doubt into real need for correction.
Yet when my legs can move without prompting or interference by thought, and my posture can stay strong and upright, my movements are smoother, more confident, and significantly more graceful.
Thanks for your fascinating comment Artemisia!