The positives of social interaction on the Internet
Despite the ubiquity of the Internet in the developed world, and despite its pervasive influence on our lives, many people still believe social interaction via the Internet to always be a poor substitute for face-to-face interaction.
Social interaction via the Internet is further stigmatised by sorrowful events such as widely publicised Internet suicides.
While it is clear that, in some cases, the detrimental effects of social isolation are not relieved by certain kinds of Internet based interaction, it is not evident that Internet interaction is likely to be detrimental for all. In fact many studies over the last decade or two, as reviewed by Yair Amichai-Hamburger and Adrian Furnham in their paper entitled The Positive Net, have shown that Internet based interaction can be very helpful for some people, particularly those who experience social anxiety and are often targeted as needing the most non-Internet based interaction.
In a pair of studies in 1998, researchers McKenna and Bargh found that individuals in two distinct types of socially stigmatised groups experienced increased self-acceptance and lessened feelings of social isolation and abnormality as a result of group Internet based involvement with like-minded people. Thus the Internet provides great access to support via high visibility of those groups through search engines and directory listings, and many opportunities for convenient contribution. Of further help is the organisation of that contribution through features such as automatic collation of message into threads, making it easy to follow the discussion of a particular topic.
Not only does the Internet offer access to diverse support groups, but it also offers individual empowerment -which is especially important for those who are socially inhibited- through anonymity, which aids self-disclosure, control over interaction, which increases self-confidence, and easing the process of finding similar people. However it’s possible that this empowerment won’t be easily extended to the off-line world by those who suffer from extreme social anxiety, so Amichai-Hamburber and Furnham have proposed a graded series of modes of interaction which aim to ease people into full face-to-face interaction. The steps are:
- Communicating by text only
This could take many forms, from email to instant messaging to forums and other discussion groups. - Text + image
At this step both people could set up webcams, but continue to converse through text. - Communicating by video + audio
This stage substitutes text for audio chat. - Face-to-face interaction
When ready the participants can meet in person, fully prepared for genuine, relaxed interaction after having gradually shared intimate details with each other at their own pace.
But what about those who aren’t socially anxious? Well, where relationships are concerned, researchers McKenna, Green and Gleason found that people who formed their first impression over the Internet liked their partner more after meeting face-to-face in comparison to only meeting in person without any prior interaction. Since Internet based interaction facilitates mutual self-disclosure, McKenna et. al. believe that this creates stronger relationships than those based on physical attractiveness. They also found that those in strong Internet relationships endeavour to make them an off-line relationship as well. This has certainly been my experience, both on the Internet and off; the hallmark of my close friendships has been early mutual candid revelation of personal details, and the interaction has moved off the Internet whenever possible.
Amichai-Hamburger also suggests that the Internet aids contact between differing groups, including those of different ethnic, social and religious backgrounds. This is facilitated by status equality (many off-line status symbols have no relevance on-line), by aiding cooperation towards high value goals, and by allowing more frank disclosure through anonymity.
The Internet may make it easier for individuals to be included in such groups by allowing the individual to find a role which enables fulfilling self-expression. If, on the Internet, a group tries to enforce a particular role on an individual it is much easier than in face-to-face encounters for that individual to disagree, express alternatives, or simply leave.
While it’s certainly important for us all to be aware of the pitfalls of using the Internet for social interaction, of equal importance is the many benefits, particularly for those most susceptible to those pitfalls.
Personally I’d hate to see, for example, parents greatly restrict their child’s access to the Internet because of fears of negative influence. These fears, and indeed the negative influence itself, can be eliminated by appropriate monitoring of a child’s use, and encouragement in involvement in the many beneficial opportunities for interaction, especially the plentiful opportunities which children will actually enjoy!.
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September 2nd, 2007 at 10:22 am
Indeed. Like any media, internet access should be under adult supervision. But unlike most other media, the internet has the combination of informative content and social interaction which makes it potentially a very powerful benefit to anyone who uses it. The ability to find information on (almost) any topic of interest and the ability to discuss it with peers has huge potential.
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I’ve found the internet to be a very powerful factor in my life which is still somewhat surprising to me. Although I’ve never suffered from social anxiety I certainly have had a difficult time throughout my life expressing many aspects of my personality and thoughts to those around me. Finding people who think similarly (or oftentimes quite differently but comfortably) and either engaging in or following discussions they’re having has been very comforting. It’s allowed me to feel less isolated and much more accepting of my quirks.
Funny enough though I actually find some of the apparent social norms a bit harder to navigate and understand than I do off-line.
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:05 pm
John: And if we can’t find information on a particular topic of interest it’s so easy to fill that niche ourselves! (as long as we have other means of getting that info. Such as those places called Libraries. ;))
Jenny: What online social norms are those?
September 3rd, 2007 at 8:40 pm
During university days, I remember meeting a guy who slept very little and forged the majority of his relationships via the Internet. Since I understood he had “vampire” and other “unique tendencies,” I gathered he found the most congenial companionship on-line. Whether or not he sought out these people, I honestly have no idea. I can say however, that I’ve known a number of people to meet on on-line chats. A handful went on to date, develop enduring in-person relationships and marriage. In these cases, the Internet was like an ice breaker that enabled the eventual lovers to emerge from their timid shells. In modern times, international friendships and partnerships also strengthen through electronic communication. Hard to imagine life without it, and yet, not impossible either.
September 3rd, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Mostly figuring out how literally to read what is being written as it is hard to know tone and/or intention oftentimes.
Also some people seem to feel an immediate familiarity and comfortably act on that which leaves me confused as to what boundaries to set for myself particularly as I learn what is just commonplace behavior and what isn’t. I forget for instance that by commenting on someone’s blog they then have my email or by commenting in a forum that many people are potentially reading and making impressions of me based upon my words and people not actively involved in the conversation can then follow-up privately which is unexpected.
I think it has much more to do with very different concepts (and practicalities) of anonymity between on-line and off-line life. Neither necessarily better or worse just different.
Liara - as far as online relationships my uncle met his wife online. It was very surprising as no one was even aware they were chatting and one weekend he announced she was coming for a visit and she has never left for any substantial period since. They’ve been married for nearly 10 years now
He is a very, very shy man and so I think the Internet definitely provided an “icebreaker” so to speak.
September 4th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Liara: I also have a couple of friends who met and interacted mostly online who are married now. And I’ve also begun many friendships online, moving the friendship offline whenever possible.
Jenny: I suppose part of some people’s styles on interaction online stem from familiarity with the medium, and their level of comfort and self-confidence in expressing themselves via that medium. As a comparison to offline behaviour, some people hug everyone whenever they meet, whether it be close friends, or a complete stranger. Some people find that really strange. And some cultures kiss each other on the cheek, though most people are, if not familiar, at least aware of that cultural norm, and so aren’t usually too put off if it’s not the norm for them (that often momentarily throws my friends when they meet my extended family. Kissing on both cheeks as a greeting is very common in the Mauritian culture).
I guess an unexpected email in response to a comment on a forum would be like a stranger on a train joining in on a conversation between a group of friends. Yet online it’s not so unusual (and I really don’t it should be a problem offline, as long as it’s clear the conversation isn’t private).
September 4th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Mark,
What you are saying makes perfect sense and I’d assume it is just me slowly learning a whole lot of new norms.
September 5th, 2007 at 6:50 am
One of the major advantages of the internet for communication, to me, is that the Internet allows you to meet people who are interesting but other than the internet you have no other shared life where you would meet. Someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away, who might even share an incredible number of interests, but due to distance, you would never know existed.
I met my wife on the internet… we talked for a few months, then she drove over 400 miles to see me, and we’ve barely been apart since (married for almost 4 years now).
September 5th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Jason,
Indulge my curiousity a little bit? I read a post on Steve’s forum about a month ago about some people who were in love with people they hadn’t yet met in life instead all their interactions were online and have been curious since. How did things unfold with your wife? Did you think you might be in love while you were still communicating online or just find her very interesting? How long did you two communicate before meeting? Was she the first person you met you were attracted to online (and same question of her)?
Oh, and this subject handled in a thoughtful manner would really be an interesting post to me if you are looking for more ideas. It would also be cool to hear your wife’s perspective.
September 5th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Very good point Jason, and it’s nice to see that your marriage developed from an Internet connection. I second Jenny’s curiousity.
September 6th, 2007 at 12:28 am
We both knew we loved each other, as friends, but neither one of was “in” love before we met in person. I found, and still find, her fascinating… she understands me (and my sense of humor) better than anyone else I’ve ever met.
We talked online (and on the phone… while the internet is very useful for communication, the human voice carries far more information in the same words) for something like 3 months before we met, and we had both met people before that we were attracted to online. We were together about 2 years before we got married (we actually got married on the second anniversary of the first time we talked online), and now we’ve been married for nearly 4 years.
I love her even more today than I did when we met, although I wouldn’t have thought that was possible at the time, and that love deepens all the time. I’ve found that the secret to a happy marriage is quality time alone together and doing little things to take care of each other. Any time we do those two things, our relationship is fantastic, and any time there is friction (and don’t get me wrong, it’s not very frequent), I can look back and see that we haven’t been doing so.
September 6th, 2007 at 12:41 am
That’s a great story Jason! Thank you for sharing it. It’s also exactly how I could imagine authentic love developing from meeting someone online.
It sounds like you are both very lucky people.
September 6th, 2007 at 4:36 am
We are, and I know that MY luck was/is good… not so sure about hers
September 6th, 2007 at 7:55 am
Heh, don’t sell yourself short Jason, clearly she’s a lucky woman to have someone as thoughtful, observant, and considerate as you!
September 7th, 2007 at 4:45 am
Yay, my fishing for compliments worked! No, just kidding… I couldn’t be more happy that she’s my wife. I will never be able to get enough time with her, even if we live for another 100 years.
September 7th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Great story Jason. Such real life experiences prove we can create our own fairytales. I’ve also created mine. You can read about how the whole thing started here: http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/3/29/the-biggest-risk-ever.html
September 8th, 2007 at 7:46 am
Mark
You’ve been tagged for the “Does Most Leadership Suck Challenge�. Check the link for details.
Take care…
JWM
September 8th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I posted a follow-up to the previous mentioned hyperlink here: http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/9/8/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up.html